Some of you may know from previous posts that I suffer from insomnia from time to time, maybe even time after time. So as miracles would have it, at 6:30 a.m. I was enjoying some of that precious deep REM sleep, when suddenly, I was yanked from my dream by my hair by someone’s car alarm. The owner of the car must have been wearing some state-of-the-art noise reduction headphones because they continued to sleep blissfully through twenty minutes of the equivalent of an air raid siren.
I get that cars are now as expensive as houses used to be and that oil companies and banks have arranged things to make them necessary for our survival. It used to be that only Rolls Royces and high-end Ferraris had car alarms, but now it’s every Toyota, Honda, and Chevy. I can’t remember the last time I saw a patrol car speeding to the defense of one of these national treasures. Nor have I, or anyone else I know, ever been so moved by the tragic thought of someone’s car being stolen that I called 911 in response to hearing one of these alarms.
Actually, the only thing I’ve ever been moved to do is take a baseball bat to the screaming car until I’d successfully put it, and the rest of the neighborhood, out of its misery Or maybe help the thief get their job done more quickly. Therefore, I propose that all car alarms come with shock collars. They could be attached to the owners like those ankle bracelets prisoners on home arrest have to wear.
I’ve taken the liberty of doing some research on what voltage would be necessary to spur an owner into immediate action upon said car alarm being triggered, without causing unconsciousness or death, which would defeat the whole purpose. It turns out that this can be tricky because you have to take certain factors into consideration like how much jewelry someone is wearing. I think you’d also have to keep increasing the voltage, the first being a gentle reminder, the next, the equivalent of a slap in the face, and so on. But I have faith in science, and if we can get a man to the moon……..
Could this post be a sign of sleep deprivation psychosis?